What It Really Means to Love Your Dog

When I sat down with my friend Amanda Fair on Wild Awake, the conversation flowed easily—part storytelling, part reflection, and a lot of laughing over how much our dogs teach us. Amanda has spent more than 12 years in the dog daycare industry, from a highly structured, kennel-based operation in Colorado to managing a 50-acre kennel-free facility in Utah. She’s also guided dog sledding tours and worked as an outdoor therapy guide. With that background, it’s no surprise she has strong opinions on what it means to truly love a dog.

Dogs Aren’t People

We started by talking about how people often blur the line between treating dogs like companions and treating them like small humans. Amanda has seen plenty of dogs spoiled with bandanas, fancy beds, and endless treats—but missing the basics of being understood as animals.

She pointed out that dogs don’t see the world through their eyes the way we do. Their nose is their number one sense, and yet so often people expect them to navigate life the same way humans do. Loving them, she said, is allowing them to use their nose, to explore, to live like dogs rather than plush toys that exist for our comfort. We can love our dogs like children, but we have to respect that they have different needs than humans to truly love them for who they are.

Enrichment as a Way of Living

We talked about her different daycare experiences. The more structured kennel environment offered some enrichment, but nothing like the kennel-free property she managed later. There, dogs had acres of natural land to run, dig, and chase squirrels. They weren’t confined to concrete or turf—they had space to be messy, loud, playful animals.

For dogs who were especially anxious, staff would sometimes use licky mats or scent work to calm them, but the real enrichment came from the land itself and from the dogs interacting naturally.

Training and Fulfillment

I brought up how often training clients want to “fix” problems like barking, chewing, or jumping. But what struck both of us is how often those problems are less about "bad behavior" and more about unmet needs. When dogs don’t get physical and mental outlets, it shows. Dogs have biological needs of their own that need to be satisfied. If these needs go unmet it causes a detriment to their mental and physical well being, which will also cause a disconnect in your relationship with your dog. Training, we agreed, isn’t just about obedience and quick fixes. It’s about meeting your dogs mental, physical, social, and emotional needs. From there you can start training. A dog with more training will always be more fulfilled because they can enjoy more freedom, and be included in more experiences. Sometimes biological fulfillment itself is the missing training piece.

Boundaries as Love

From there, we moved into the subject of boundaries. Amanda described how new staff would often walk into a group of 50 dogs by crouching down, squealing, and letting the dogs pile all over them. It was natural human behavior—but it created chaos.

Instead, she taught them to walk in calmly, stand tall, and wait until the dogs’ energy settled before engaging. Boundaries weren’t punishment; they were clarity. Dogs didn’t take offense the way humans might—they simply understood what was expected. It's important to have clear boundaries with your dog and even more importantly to be consistent about them. Blurry boundaries lead to confusion which will cause anxiety and distrust.

Dogs as Mirrors of Us

This led us into a deeper part of the conversation: how much dogs reflect their people.

Amanda talked about her dog Balder and how, during a period when she was struggling with mental health, he developed patterns like playing keep-away and being wary of affection. Those behaviors were shaped by the intensity of their shared environment. As her emotional regulation improved, so did his behavior—but those early imprints still linger.

I shared my journey with Lewen, who mirrored my lack of boundaries and people-pleasing tendencies. When I got nervous around people, he often reacted for me, sometimes by trying to push strangers away. It was uncomfortable, but it showed me exactly where I needed to grow.

We both laughed at how brutally honest dogs can be as mirrors, but also acknowledged how painful it can feel to recognize your own struggles reflected back through your dog’s behavior.

Emotional Intelligence and Growth

The more we unpacked it, the clearer it became: our dogs feel our nervous systems. They don’t just respond to commands, they respond to energy—our posture, our confidence, our ability to regulate ourselves.

Amanda shared how walking into a large group of dogs required her to hold herself with calm authority: shoulders back, steady pace, eyes up. If she walked in insecure or overwhelmed, the group fed off that energy immediately. It was the same in her personal life—how she carried herself with dogs transferred into how she carried herself with people.

We reflected on how often training challenges aren’t just about the dog—they’re about our own capacity to stay grounded, set boundaries, and be clear leaders.

Balance Over Extremes

We both agreed that the healthiest relationships with dogs live in balance. On one end, some people smother their dogs with material things and no structure. On the other, some withhold everything in the name of rules. Neither extreme creates a thriving relationship. Meeting your dogs needs as a dog and then adding on training so they can thrive in the human world we have placed them in—that’s where a good human dog relationship starts.

Amanda’s Closing Advice

At the end of our conversation, I asked Amanda what advice she would leave people with. Her answer was simple: start with self-reflection. Not every problem is your fault, but most can be improved by looking at your own patterns before blaming your dog. Dogs respond to who we are as much as what we do.

Books to Explore

Amanda also shared two books that have shaped her thinking:

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

• Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza

Both, she noted, are about accountability and changing patterns—even when change feels uncomfortable.

Final Thoughts

Our dogs aren’t people. They aren’t toys or furniture. They’re animals with instincts, emotions, and needs all their own. But they’re also companions who have evolved alongside us in ways that make them uniquely able to reflect who we are.

If we’re willing to see it, they’ll show us where we’re strong, where we’re struggling, and where we have room to grow. And maybe that’s the deepest way of loving them: not just meeting their needs, but letting them change us in return.

Valerie Naegele is a professional dog trainer, behavior specialist, and founder of Venture Doggie LLC. She helps dog owners who feel overwhelmed, unsure, or stuck finally find clarity, confidence, and connection with their dogs. you're tired of second-guessing your training, avoiding walks, or feeling like your dog just isn’t “getting it.” You’re not alone. Val understands what it’s like to love a dog deeply and still feel frustrated, embarrassed, or unsure of what to do next. Her work is designed to give you the tools, insight, and support you need to turn things around, not just on the surface, but in a way that feels good and lasts.

Val’s approach is relationship-based, emotionally intelligent, and rooted in practical science. Whether your dog is overly friendly, reactive, anxious, or just doesn’t listen, she helps you shift the dynamic—not by forcing obedience, but by building communication, structure, and trust. Her journey started with a deeply sensitive and reactive dog, and that experience opened the door to a lifetime of study in behavior, psychology, and the human-animal bond. With a background in vet clinics, shelters, ranches, and intensive mentorships with leading trainers, Val brings a rare mix of expertise, heart, and down-to-earth support to her work.

She’s not here to judge or pressure. She’s here to walk alongside you—to help you feel more capable, more connected, and prouder of the relationship you’re building with your dog.